I really feel lately that I am going insane. I don't know what to do with myself, or what's really going on most of the time. This whole weekend was once again crazy, and I think I'm done going out drinking for a while.
I need to get my head around everything. No more dating, no more situations outside of my comfort zone.

I really feel like I'm legitimately crazy. What is going on with me anyway? UGH.

I hate you. Mainly because I depend on you so much, but also because you know just what kind of music I like. You're cocky as hell and don't care who knows it. Your accent is really very sexy. I hate you because you can commit, something I've never been able to do. I hate you because you can fly by the seat of your pants. Mainly I hate you because I love you so much.

These are my hands
These are my faults
These are my plans
These are my nasty little thoughts.

My blog has moved to:

http://carbird.blogspot.com/


To be updated later tonight.

Tell me, just where did the time go? When did the leave start to change and fall off the trees? When did it start getting dark at 7:30? I'm not ready for winter again!

When I was a little kid, I never really used to think about what I'd be like when I got older, in my derranged little kid way I just never thought I'd make it that far. But now I have, and recently I've had to make some big life decisions. It's scary. All I want to do is to stay a little kid forever and have other people make my decisions for me. I mean, seriously.

So I'm back from Denver, more or less intact. I'll be posting pictures soon, just as soon as I get my baggage delivered (this whole thing with a stand-by flight I got on, and blah blah blah, no clothes for Heidi yet. I've been seriously running around town naked. It's been exciting. No, really.).

I had a great time, but was relieved to return to Vermont where people move about 40 miles slower than they do in Denver. I pretty much held my breath the entire time I was there. People drive fast, they walk fast, they're always trying to get somewhere to do something. It's exhausting. It's nice to come back to Vermont where you can show up 30 minutes late for something and still be considered as being on time. It's nice. I think I'll stick around here for just a little while longer. I do think it's where I belong.

With that being said, pictures to come, but right now I'm off to work. It's so nice to be working and making money again. Weird, I know. But I actually like working. And this trip has left me seriously poor. And with TONS of bills to pay. Yuck.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I hate people who make stupid assumptions. It's really very rude to assume something about a person and make a comment to them about it. Seriously, get some manners.

So I'm leaving for Denver early Thursday morning from BOS. Just wanted to make a quick post before I head out for the day.
Hope everyone is doing well. Sorry for my MIA-ness.

Oi. I had potato leek soup for lunch, and now all I can smell is leeks. I think it's sweating out my pores. Gross.


So it's about the middle of the year. And the beginning of the year was run in with lots of vomit and a cold and icy walk back downtown to my car. Oh how far I've come. Another LJ friend of mine el_timbo_2 recently posted what he WANTED to do in his second half of 2007. And I've had a pretty awesome first half of 2007.
So, here is my list of achievements of 2007 in no real order.

1. Graduated college (this is a BIG one).
2. Got my little self into shape (mainly by working, waitressing).
3. Made up my mind to stop waitressing and look for another job.
4. Got a handle on my finances.
5. Could finally apply (and be approved) for a credit card again.
6. Am dating one of the sweetest most genuine guys I've ever met.
7. Got a Subaru.
8. Am finally seeing Travis play live (granted this is in a few days...but close enough).
9. Figured out certain things I DON'T want to do with my life.
10. Stopped letting my friends talk me out of things I really want to do.
11. Became a food snob (this is a good thing).
12. Tried escargot (and LOVED IT).
13. Moved out of Burlington and back to the green green world of Starksboro.
14. Finally felt like I was ACTUALLY an adult.
15. Have a GREAT relationship with my parents.
16. Was capable of going out with friends and NOT drinking, or drinking in moderation.
17. Had a checking account balance above $3,000 (it's not there now though...oops).
18. Visited Rhode Island and saw Drew, and met HIS boyfriend.
19. Cut certain friends out of my life who aren't good for me.
20. Started eating healthier, i.e. drinking Vitamin Water rather than soda, cutting out chips, and foods that are BAD for you.

I'm sure there's more, and as I think of them, I'll add them. But that's the list. I've been feeling a lot healthier and I just feel generally better about myself, it's basically pretty awesome. I just feel for once like things are going well for me, and that the world is on my side, rather than against me. It's a good feelings to just have things going well, and to not have the impending doom of something going wrong.

Ever meet someone who, while talking to you, smiles an extrordinary amount? It makes you smile back at them the same way?



It's weird.

D-list celebrities seem almost famous now-a-days for nothing more than their poor tipping behavior. Recently spotted Benjamin McKenzie, from The OC has been seen leaving less than 10% tips while avoiding any sort of eye contact with his waitress.
People have the strangest ideas as to how to leave a tip properly. One girl says she doubles the amount of the tax, and that it usually comes out to 13-14%. One post that has gotten quite a bit of attention on Oh No They Didn't (my not-so-secret trashy obsession) says that he never leaves a tip and that waitresses should find better jobs that pay more. To this gentleman (and I use that term loosely) I say "Remember these words you've uttered the next time you're out on a romantic dinner with your significant other." How enjoyable would your meal be if there wasn't a waitress to wait on you? You'd be running to the kitchen for your own food, making your own drinks (because bartenders tend to get paid just the same as servers), making sure your own water glass stays full, and taking care of your own dishes, why for that, you could just stay at home.
And to those of you out there who feel that tipping is a outrageous, I advise you to stay home the next time you're thinking of going out. Because servers have memories like elephants, and that waitress you chose not to tip the last time you were out, just may be your waitress this time. And believe me, she'll remember you. Guaranteed.

If anyone has seen the video apple has on their website right now (can be viewed at http://www.apple.com/iphone/usingiphone/guidedtour_medium.html) you'll know what this post is all about.
I simply MUST have this phone. Why oh why is Vermont so behind the times? Sometimes that's okay, but as far as cell phone service goes, it blows. My cell phone has VERY limited capabilities and I'm paying upwards of $70 a month for it's service. And I don't use it enough for it to be worth that amount, but I need a way for people to get in touch with me. Annoying. Prices aren't out on the iphone yet, but I've heard rumors that unlimited text messaging, and unlimited data along with 450 minutes (who REALLY uses 450 minutes of talking time a month???) for $35-$45. Seriously. Not to mention that you can use it as internet (thus the impending doom of our precious PCs.), no need for a computer.

Apple really needs to get with it, and realize that Vermont is an untapped market. One that could really be put to good use. And it's not meeting it's potential. All I have to say to apple (and Small Dog Electronics who's official statement is "we're not a cell phone store, but if Apple ever wanted us to carry iphones, we'd learn how to be one real fast."): Look to your friends in the north. New Hampshire has ONE apple store. New York has multiple, as does Mass. Maine is right along with us on the lack of Apple service. We need some Apple love in the Northeast. C'mon. Seriously.

Here's the thing about parents. No matter how old you are, then never cease to amaze you. As many times as you try to do something right, you never really can. As old as you get, they will always try to get you to take their advice. Whatever they think you should do is right.
I just think I need to get out of here. I'm looking at jobs in Burlington, and may be moving there soon. We'll see, I'm just feeling very frustrated right now.

So. I'm going to Rhode Island on Sunday until Wednesday. I'm so so so so so excited.
I had a giant list of things to do before I went, and today I got quite a few of them crossed off the list. Which rocks.
I'm pretty much all prepared too.
I have an 18 hour playlist, and I start packing my car tomorrow.

The other big thing I'm spending money on this summer is Travis. Playing in Boston on July 12th. Maggie and I are going together. I seriously can't wait. I'm so unbelievably excited. Maggie and I have only been waiting 5 years to see Travis play in the United States.

Other than that, this summer has so far been filled with working, and hanging out. It's going to be a quiet summer. Because of the way my schedule is, I can't get a second job. I work random times during the week. So this summer is going to be sort of low key. I just hope I make enough money, otherwise scheduling just might have to change a bit. We'll see though.

I don't know who the hell reads this journal anymore, but there you have it.

As much as I love the season finales of all my favorite shows, I hate them too.

Ya know?

Total number of tracks: 2001
Sort by song title:
-First Song: "Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)" -Nancy Sinatra
-Last Song: Zebra- John Butler Trio

Sort by time:
-Shortest Song: Miracle Cure- The Who (0:12)
-Longest Song: 9027 KM- OK GO (34:46)

Sort by album:
-First Song: The 15th - Fisherspooner (#1)
-Last Song: Two Weeks In Hawaii - Hellogoodbye (Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs!)

First five songs that comes up on Shuffle:
1) Torn and Tattered- Joss Stone
2) I aint gotta tell you- Ne-Yo
3) Sing a Song- Wind & Fire Earth
4) Penny Lane- The Beatles
5) Time and Time Again- The Counting Crows

Search ....
"sex", how many songs come up?: 17
"love", how many songs come up?: 103
"you", how many songs come up?: 194
"death", how many songs come up? 3
"hate", how many songs come up? 5
"wish" how many songs come up? 0

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Oh. So, P.S. MY PARENTS GOT ME A CAR FOR GRADUATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A dark blue Subaru Outback. I'm so incredibly wicked excited, except for one thing. It's standard. I don't know how to drive standard. Uh oh.